WHAT GIRLS REALLY DO BEHIND CLOSED HOTEL SUITE DOORS "Remember when we were in fifth grade and we used to practice kissing with pillows?" Serena buried her face in one of the Plaza's fluffy king-sized goose-down pillows and began making out with it. "Oh baby," she cooed. "Your lips are so amazing." Blair chucked a pillow at the back of Serena's head. "Have you been listening to me?" she demanded. "I said I almost kissed Stanford parries the Fifth!" Serena turned her head to one side and blew her hair out of her face. She'd taken off her skirt, and her white cotton underwear sagged halfway down her skinny ass. "So why didn't you?" "I don't know." Blair untied the gold Cartier Yale pendant from around her neck and threw it on the bedside table. Then she yanked her dress off over her head, stripping down to her underwear. She pulled on one of the Plaza's white terry robes and cracked open a can of coke. "I wanted to, but I couldn't stop laughing. And then I felt stupid, so I left." Serena rolled over and started poking her nonexistent stomach fat. Don't you think it's weird that we're friends and we're attracted to such different guys? I mean, I thought he was totally stuck-up." Attracted to such different guys? Is that why they both lost their virginity to the same guy? Not that either of them wanted to wreck their friendship again by bringing that up. Blair burped noisily. "You think everyone's stuck-up. And actually I think he was sort of embarrassed about being into Yale after I told him I was wait-listed. He's only, like a C student at Andover. He doesn't even any APs. The only reason he got in was because of his grandfather." Serena's eyes opened wide. She was a B+ student and didn't take any APs either, but she'd gotten in. And while talking to Mr. Parris she'd basically decided once and for all that Yale was the school for her. Did she dare tell Blair and ruin a perfectly good time together in their own hotel suite? Blair burped again and Serena thumped her frosted pink polished toes against the mattress, thinking. Nah, she decided. Besides she was suspected that the only reason Blair was so hung up on Stan 5 was because she thought he might help her get into Yale. That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself. "Hey, let's make prank calls!" Serena cried, desperate to change the subject. She sat up and grabbed the phone, stabbing giddily at the keypad. "Hello? Concierge? Could you please send a plumber to room 448? There's a terrible... er... problem with the toilet. Get what I'm saying? Great. Thank you." She dialed another number. "Sir? Is this room 448? Yes, this is the concierge. I just wanted to let you know that male escort you ordered is on his way up." Then she dialed one of the suites down the hall. "Daddy, I can't sleep," she said in a baby voice "Sing me a song." The guy on the other end started singing the Raves song "ice Cream". He sounded exactly like Damian. Hmm, wonder why? "Wow, you're really good," Serena breathed in her baby voice. "I love you, Daddy,' she cooed, and then hung up. She turned to Blair. "Okay, that was dumb." Blair didn't say anything. She still couldn't believe she chickened out with Stan 5. It was only a kiss, and it wasn't like Nate even cared who she kissed, because he seemed to have totally forgotten about her. All of a sudden there was a knock at the door. "Shit!" Serena squealed, diving under the covers. "It's the Concierge!" Blair tightened the belt on her bathrobe and padded over to the door. "Who is it?" she called out, touching the door with her nervous fingertips. "It's me," Nate's voice answered. Blair jumped backwards as if she'd been electrocuted. She tugged on the belt of the bathrobe again. "Who?" she demanded irritably, even though she knew perfectly well who it was. "It's me Nate," he called through the closed door. "Can I come in?" "Psst!" Serena whispered from the bed. "Pretend I'm Stan 5!" Blair turned around to find Serena sprawled facedown on the bed under the duvet, her long legs spread wide, her hair hidden discreetly under a pillow, and her rather large feet sticking out at the end of the bed. She totally passed for a guy. Even the rumpled little gray skirt on the floor could easily have been a pair of boxers. Serena lifted her had and grinned devilishly. Blair giggled and waved her back into place. Then she opened the door, but only about four inches. "Now's not really a good time," she whispered mysteriously. Nate looked disheveled and tired. In fact, she was pretty sure he was wearing exactly the same faded black T-shirt and khakis that he'd been wearing when she'd left his house the afternoon before, and his hair was definitely dirty, because ethere was no gold highlights in it. It just looked brown. Also, there was dark brown crap between his teeth, like brownie crumbs. Pr pre-chewed Oreos. "I need to take a shower," Nate yawned. "Well, you can't do it here." Blair insisted. She readjusted her bathrobe to insinuate she was naked underneath. Then she took a step backward so Nate could see into the room. "I'm busy." She watched as Nate's gaze traveled from the gold-and-white-painted door across the golden beige carpet to the bed. Two nights ago she would have grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and hurled him on top of the covers so she could ravage his ridiculously hot body and he could ravage hers, just like they'd been doing since she decided to go all the way. But he hadn't called her in two whole days and he really needed to brush his teeth. He'd missed his chance. From beneath the covers, Serena did her best imitation of a studly postsex snore. Blair clenched her teeth to keep from smiling. Actually she didn't much feel like smiling. She was too pissed off at Nate. Nate pressed his palms against his cheeks like he was trying to hold his face together. He'd been counting on staying with Blair tonight a) because she was in a hotel suite and it would be awesome to take a nice hot shower, and have lots of sex, take a bubble bath, order tons of room service, and watch movies until they fell asleep in each others arms; b) because he really didn't want to go home and endure the wrath of Admiral Archibald. He'd definitely be grounded, which meant he wouldn't be bale to go out at all for the rest of his life, and he'd probably never see Blair again; and c) because he was fooling around with Lexie he'd realized that he really didn't enjoy kissing anyone but Blair anymore. Well, maybe he should have thought of that, like, yesterday. Serena kicked her foot and bellowed through her nose like a sleeping elephant. Who the fuck is that anyway? Nate was dying to ask, but the thought of knowing who it was made him press his hands against his face even harder. His gaze shifted back to Blair, who looked like she was bored with whatever game they were playing. "I was on the boat," he started to explain. "I lost my phone." Then he realized that didn't really explain anything. Sometimes it just sucks to be you, doesn't it? "Go home, Nate," Blair dismissed him. "Your parents are looking for you." Nate let go of his face, stuffed his hands into his pockets and took a step backwards towards the elevators. Chocolate Oreo gunk was smeared on the crotch of his pants. He was a mess. "You haven't heard anything from Yale yet, have you?" he asked in a lame effort to find some common ground. "No," she responded coldly. Nate waited for her to say something more but she didn't. Instead, Blair stretched her arms over her head and yawned lazily, like she'd been having so much sex with the big, hot, studly man in her bed she couldn't even talk. "Why don't you e-mail me or something?" she told Nate, and reached for the door handle. As if she and Nate ever communicated by e-mail. When you saw someone naked every day for hours after school, it was hardly necessary to e-mail them. The corners of Nate's mouth drooped like he was about to cry. Blair wasn't breaking up with him officially- she never did, which is why they'd been breaking up and getting back together on and off for the last three years. But that was before they'd become as intimate as you can be with someone, and now there was some random guy in Blair's bed. "Okay. Have a good day at school tomorrow." "See you," Blair closed the door and leaned against it. "He's gone," she whispered. Serena lifted her head and her pale blond hair cascaded all over the bed. "That was fun," she observed, but the way she said it made it sound like a question. Blair went over and sat down on the end of the bed. "Really fun," she agreed hollowly. The girls' eyes met. Neither of them was smiling. Then Serena giggles. "I guess it would have been more fun if I'd really been Stan 5." Blair didn't say anything. She'd basically just broken up with Nate- again- after passing up a perfectly good opportunity to fool around with a boy who could very well get her into Yale. Well, one thing was for sure: She wasn't about to let Stan 5 get away. Serena threw back the covers and grabbed the leather bound room service menu from beside the table. "Let's order filet mignons and French fries and beer and watch old movies!" She'd always been an expert at changing the subject. Blair scooted her feet up underneath her and reached for the TV remote. There might be an Audrey Hepburn movie on TCM or AMC. She flicked through the channels hopefully. Aha! 'My Fair Lady'. Well, at least that was something. Serena lit a Merit Ultra Light, took a puff, and then stuck it in Blair's mouth. The n she picked up the phone massaging Blair's shoulders as she ordered nearly everything on the Plaza Hotel's room service menu. Maybe life sucked for some people, but Serena wouldn't let it suck for them. TWO DOORS DOWN, A SUITE GETS TRASHED Just down the hall, in an even bigger suite, Dan, Jenny, two members of the Raves, and a very tan French girl were lounging round smoking cigars that had been FedExed to the room from Cuba that day. The whole room was filled with ripped-open FedEx boxes: Peaches from Georgia, candles from France, Vodka from Finland, strong brown ale from Ireland, breadsticks from Italy, shower gel from LA, and extra-sharp cheddar cheese from Vermont. As if you couldn't buy all of the above in the city that has everything. Lloyd asked the concierge to send up more bathrobes, and one by one they all removed their clothes and donned robes. Jenny wasn't quite sure what to do with her pants and shirt, and it was nearly impossible to hide her bra, because the bathrobe had ............