NEXT morning, when Winnie came down to breakfast, she found a letter from Bertram. She opened it with trembling hands. It began and consisted only of two lines.
I shall wait for you to-day in Kensington Gardens at ten o’clock. I beg you to come.
In the early days of their engagement, when Canon Spratte refused to hear Railing’s name mentioned, they had been used to walk together every morning. They met always at a particular spot. There were shady , the scene of many pleasant conversations, which Winnie could not help remembering with delight. She the meeting he asked for, but felt that it was not in her to refuse. She had thought all night over the brief account her father had given of his interview with Bertram, and wished with all her heart now to explain personally why she had taken this step. She could not bear that he should think too hardly of her. The wounds she made seemed , but perhaps she could do something to make him see how impossible it was for her to act otherwise.
Without saying a word to her father, Winnie went out immediately after breakfast, and when she arrived at the appointed place, found Bertram already there. He greeted her without a smile. He was very pale and she felt her own face burn with shame under his sad, questioning eyes. For a few minutes they talked of indifferent things, as though they could not bring themselves to attack the subject that filled their hearts. They sat down and for a while were silent. At last he turned round and looked at her gravely.
“It’s true, then?” he said.
“I’m very sorry,” she murmured, turning her face away.
“When your father to me I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. The whole thing seemed too horrible. Even now, I can’t convince myself that you really want me to give you up. I’ve not had it from your own lips yet.”
“I want you to release me, Bertram. I can’t marry you.”
“But why, why? The other day you said you loved me better than any one in the whole world. What have they done to turn you against me? Oh, I thought better of you than that, Winnie; I trusted you.”
“I was mistaken when I thought I loved you,” she whispered.
“They’re forcing you to give me up?”
“No,” she answered, shaking her head. “No one has done anything to influence me.”
“And yet, suddenly, with nothing to explain it, you send your father to say you’ve made a mistake; and don’t want to marry me. Oh, it’s , it’s too cruel.”
“Oh, Bertram, don’t speak like that,” she cried, looking at him at last.
The unhappiness of his voice was very hard to bear and she could hardly restrain a . He looked at her with puzzled eyes. He was so wretched that his brain was all confused.
“You loved me the other day,” he cried. “Oh, don’t be so cold. Tell me what there is to tell, Winnie. I love you so . I can’t live without you.”
“Forgive me. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”
“Are you afraid because I’m poor and of mean birth? But you knew that before. Oh, I don’t understand; it seems impossible. I never dreamed you’d do this. I trusted you ten times more than I trusted myself.”
“I’m not fit to be your wife,” she .
“How can you sacrifice all that we planned so , the life of labour shoulder to shoulder and the fine struggle for our fellows?”
“I should hate it,” she answered, .
He stared at her with surprise. He caught the immense of her expression and the little shiver of disgust that crossed her shoulders. They were silent again.
“Oh, Bertram, try to understand,” said Winnie, at last. “I don’t want you to be unhappy, I want you to see that we’ve made a dreadful mistake. I thank God that we’ve discovered it before it was too late. I’m not made for the life you want me to lead. I should be out of it. And all those meetings, and the for things I don’t care two straws about! Oh, I the very thought of it.”
He looked before him as though the very foundations of the world were sinking. Winnie put her hand on his arm gently.
“Don’t trouble about me, Bertram. I’m not worth it. You thought me different from what I am. You’ve never known me; you put another soul into my body, and you loved that. If you really knew me, you’d only despise me. You thought I could do heroic things, but I can’t. When I was enthusiastic about labour and temperance and all the rest, it was merely pose. I wanted you to think me clever and original. I was flattered because you spoke to me as if you thought my opinion worth having. But honestly I don’t like poor people; I hate grime and dirt; I can’t look upon them as my fellows; I don’t want to have anything to do with them. I dare say poverty and crime are very dreadful, and the of the slums is heart-rending, but I don’t want to see it. I want to shut my eyes and forget all about it. Can’t you see how awful it would be if we married? I should only you, and we’d both be utterly wretched.”
“Your father said a carriage and pair was essential to your happiness. I told him I would stake my life on you. I told him that you despised the and the shallowness of Society.”
“I suppose papa knows me,” said Winnie.
“Oh, dearest, it can’t be true,” he cried, taking her hand. “You can’t mind whether you go on foot or in a carriage. Life is so full and there’s so much work to do. What can it matter so long as we do our duty?”
“I know I’m a cad, but I must have decent things, and servants, and nice clothes. It’s vulgar and hateful and petty, but I can’t help it. I want to live as all my friends live. I haven’t the courage to give up all that makes life beautiful. It’s not just one act of that it needs; it’s strength to be heroic day after day in a sort of dull, fashion. And there can never be any escape from it; one has to make up one’s mind that it will last for ever. I see myself living in a shabby house in a pokey street, with two dirty little maids, and I could almost scream. Oh, I couldn’t, Bertram.”
“I thought you cared for me.”
She did not answer.
“It’s different for you,” she pleaded. “You’ve been brought up without all these things, and you don’t miss them. I daresay it’s utterly , but I can’t help it. I’ve been used to luxuries all my life; it’s ju............