Reviewing the matter later, I could see that I made one or twoblunders in my conduct of the campaign to win over Professor Derrick.

　　In the first place, I made a bad choice of time and place. At themoment this did not strike me. It is a simple matter, I reflected, fora man to pass another by haughtily and without recognition, when theymeet on dry land; but, when the said man, being it should beremembered, an indifferent swimmer, is accosted in the water and outof his depth, the feat becomes a hard one. It seemed to me that Ishould have a better chance with the professor in the water than outof it.

　　My second mistake--and this was brought home to me almost immediately--was in bringing Ukridge along. Not that I really brought him along;it was rather a case of being unable to shake him off. When he met meon the gravel outside the house at a quarter to eight on the followingmorning, clad in a dingy mackintosh which, swinging open, revealed apurple bathing-suit, I confess that my heart sank. Unfortunately, allmy efforts to dissuade him from accompanying me were attributed by himto a pardonable nervousness--or, as he put it, to the needle.

　　"Buck up, laddie!" he roared encouragingly. "I had anticipated this.

　　Something seemed to tell me that your nerve would go when it came tothe point. You're deuced lucky, old horse, to have a man like me atyour side. Why, if you were alone, you wouldn't have a word to say foryourself. You'd just gape at the man and yammer. But I'm with youladdie, I'm with you. If your flow of conversation dries up, count onme to keep the thing going."And so it came about that, having reached the Cob and spying in thedistance the grey head of the professor bobbing about on the face ofthe waters, we dived in and swam rapidly towards him.

　　His face was turned in the opposite direction when we came up withhim. He was floating peacefully on his back, and it was plain that hehad not observed our approach. For when, treading water easily in hisrear, I wished him good morning in my most conciliatory tone, he stoodnot upon the order of his sinking, but went under like so much pig-iron.

　　I waited courteously until he rose to the surface again, when Irepeated my remark.

　　He expelled the last remnant of water from his mouth with a wrathfulsplutter, and cleared his eyes with the back of his hand. I confess toa slight feeling of apprehension as I met his gaze. Nor was myuneasiness diminished by the spectacle of Ukridge splashing tactfullyin the background like a large seal. Ukridge so far had made noremarks. He had dived in very flat, and I imagine that his breath hadnot yet returned to him. He had the air of one who intends to get usedto his surroundings before trusting himself to speech.

　　"The water is delightfully warm," I said.

　　"Oh, it's you!" said the professor; and I could not cheat myself intothe belief that he spoke cordially. Ukridge snorted loudly in theoffing. The professor turned sharply, as if anxious to observe thismarine phenomenon; and the annoyed gurgle which he gave showed that hewas not approving of Ukridge either. I did not approve of Ukridgemyself. I wished he had not come. Ukridge, in the water, lacksdignity. I felt that he prejudiced my case.

　　"You are swimming splendidly this morning," I went on perseveringly,feeling that an ounce of flattery is worth a pound of rhetoric. "If,"I added, "you will allow me to say so.""I will not!" he snapped. "I--" here a small wave, noticing that hismouth was open, stepped in. "I wish," he resumed warmly, "as I said inme letter, to have nothing to do with you. I consider that ye'vebehaved in a manner that can only be described as abominable, and Iwill thank you to leave me alone.""But allow me--""I will not allow ye, sir. I will allow ye nothing. Is it not enoughto make me the laughing-stock, the butt, sir, of this town, withoutpursuing me in this way when I wish to enjoy a quiet swim?""Now, laddie, laddie," said Ukridge, placing a large hand on hisshoulder, "these are harsh words! Be reasonable! Think before youspeak. You little know . . .""Go to the devil!" said the professor. "I wish to have nothing to dowith either of you. I should be glad if you would cease thispersecution. Persecution, sir!"His remarks, which I have placed on paper as if they were continuousand uninterrupted, were punctuated in reality by a series of gasps andpuffings, as he received and rejected the successors of the wave hehad swallowed at the beginning of our little chat. The art ofconducting conversation while in the water is not given to everyswimmer. This he seemed to realise, for, as if to close the interview,he proceeded to make his way as quickly as he could to the shore.

　　Unfortunately, his first dash brought him squarely up against Ukridge,who, not having expected the collision, clutched wildly at him andtook him below the surface again. They came up a moment later on theworst terms.

　　"Are you trying to drown me, sir?" barked the professor.

　　"My dear old horse," said Ukridge complainingly, "it's a little hard.

　　You might look where you're going.""You grappled with me!""You took me by surprise, laddie. Rid yourself of the impression thatyou're playing water-polo.""But, professor," I said, joining the group and treading water, "onemoment."I was growing annoyed with the man. I could have ducked him, but forthe reflection that my prospects of obtaining his consent to myengagement would scarcely have been enhanced thereby.

　　"But, professor," I said, "one moment.""Go away, sir! I have nothing to say to you.""But he has lots to say to you," said Ukridge. "Now's the time, oldhorse," he added encouragingly to me. "Spill the news!"Without preamble I gave out the text of my address.

　　"I love your daughter, Phyllis, Mr. Derrick. She loves me. In fact, weare engaged.""Devilish well put, laddie," said Ukridge approvingly.

　　The professor went under as if he had been seized with cramp. It was alittle trying having to argue with a man, of whom one could notpredict with c............