It is with the most extreme mortification¹ that I record my ensuing experiences, for I felt that I could not honourably² accept my salary without earning it by carrying out the parent Poor’s wishes. That first morning I endeavoured to direct my pupil’s steps toward the Musee de Cluny, with the purpose of inciting³ him to instructive study; but in the mildest, yet most immovable manner, he proposed Longchamps and the races as a substitute, to conclude with dinner at La Cascade⁴ and supper at Maxim’s or the Cafe’ Blanche, in case we should meet engaging company. I ventured the vainest efforts to reason with him, making for myself a very uncomfortable breakfast, though without effect upon him of any visibility. His air was uninterruptedly mild and modest; he rarely lifted his eyes, but to my most earnest argument replied only by ordering more eggs and saying in a chastened voice:  
“Oh no; it is always best to begin school with a vacation. To Longchamps—we!”
 
I should say at once that through this young man I soon became an amateur of the remarkable⁵ North-American idioms, of humour and incomparable brevities often more interesting than those evolved by the thirteen or more dialects of my own Naples. Even at our first breakfast I began to catch lucid⁶ glimpses of the intention in many of his almost incomprehensible statements. I was able, even, to penetrate⁷ his meaning when he said that although he was “strong for aged⁸ parent,” he himself had suffered much anguish⁹ from overwork of the “earnest youth racquette” in his late travels, and now desired to “create considerable trouble for Paris.”
 
Naturally, I did not wish to begin by antagonizing my pupil—an estrangement¹⁰ at the commencement would only lead to his deceiving me, or a continued quarrel, in which case I should be of no service to my kind patron, so that after a strained interval¹¹ I considered it best to surrender.
 
We went to Longchamps.
 
That was my first mistake; the second was to yield to him concerning the latter part of his programme; but opposition¹² to Mr. Poor, Jr. had a curious effect of inutility. He had not in the least the air of obstinacy,—nothing could have been less like rudeness; he neither frowned not smiled; no, he did not seem even to be insisting; on the contrary, never have I beheld¹³ a milder countenance¹⁴, nor heard a pleasanter voice; yet the young man was so completely baffling in his mysterious way that I considered him unique to my experience.
 
Thus, when I urged him not to place large wagers¹⁵ in the pesage, his whispered reply was strange and simple—“Watch me!” This he conclusively¹⁶ said as he deposited another thousand-franc note, which, within a few moments, accrued¹⁷ to the French government.
 
Longchamps was but the beginning of a series of days and nights which wore upon my constitution—not indeed with the intensity¹⁸ of mortification which my former conspicuosity had engendered¹⁹, yet my sorrows were stringent²⁰. It is true that I had been, since the age of seventeen, no stranger to the gaieties and dissipations afforded by the capitals of Europe; I may say I had exhausted²¹ these, yet always with some degree of quiet, including intervals²² of repose²³. I was tired of all the great foolishnesses of youth, and had thought myself done with them. Now I found myself plunged²⁴ into more uproarious waters than I had ever known I, who had hoped to begin a life of usefulness and peace, was forced to dwell in the midst of a riot, pursuing my extraordinary charge.
 
There is no need that I should describe those days and nights. They remain in my memory as a confusion of bad music, crowds, motor-cars and champagne²⁵ of which Poor Jr. was a distributing centre. He could never be persuaded to the Louvre, the Carnavalet, or the Luxembourg; in truth, he seldom rose in time to reach the museums, for they usually close at four in the afternoon. Always with the same inscrutable meekness²⁶ of countenance, each night he methodically danced the cake-walk at Maxim’s or one of the Montemarte restaurants, to the cheers of acquaintances of many nationalities, to whom he offered libations with prodigal²⁷ enormity. He carried with him, about the boulevards at night, in the highly powerful car he had hired, large parties of strange people, who would loudly sing airs from the Folie-Rouge²⁸ (to my unhappy shudderings) all the way from the fatiguing²⁹ Bal Bullier to the Cafe’ de Paris, where the waiters soon became affluent³⁰.
 
And how many of those gaily³¹ dressed and smiling ladies whose bright eyes meet yours on the veranda³² of the Theatre Marigny were provided with excessive suppers and souvenir fans by the inexhaustible Poor Jr.! He left a trail of pink hundred-franc notes behind him, like a running boy dropping paper in the English game; and he kept showers of gold louis dancing in the air about him, so that when we entered the various cafes or “American bars” a cheer (not vocal³³ but to me of perfect audibility) went up from the hungry and thirsty and borrowing, and from the attendants. Ah, how tired I was of it, and how I endeavoured to discover a means to draw him to the museums, and to Notre Dame³⁴ and the Pantheon!
 
And how many times did I unwillingly³⁵ find myself in the too enlivening company of those pretty supper-girls, and what jokings upon his head-top did the poor bald gentleman not undergo from those same demoiselles with the bright eyes, the wonderful hats, and the fluffy³⁶ dresses!
 
How often among those gay people did I find myself sadly dreaming of that grey pongee skirt and the beautiful heart that had understood! Should I ever see that lady? Not, I knew, alas³⁷! in the whirl about Poor Jr.! As soon look for a nun³⁸ at the Cafe’ Blanche!
 
For some reason I came to be persuaded that she had left Paris, that she had gone away; and I pictured her—a little despairingly—on the borders of Lucerne, with the white Alps in the sky above her,—or perhaps listening to the evening songs on the Grand Canal, and I would try to feel the little rocking of her gondola³⁹, making myself dream that I sat at her feet. Or I could see the grey flicker⁴⁰ of the pongee skirt in the twilight⁴¹ distance of cathedral aisles⁴² with a chant sounding from a chapel⁴³; and, so dreaming, I would start spasmodically, to hear the red-coated orchestra of a cafe’ blare out into “Bedelia,” and awake to the laughter and rouge and blague which that dear pongee had helped me for a moment to forget!
 
To all places, Poor Jr., though never unkindly, dragged me with him, even to make the balloon ascent⁴⁴ at the Porte Maillot on a windy evening. Without embarrassment⁴⁵ I confess that I was terrified, that I clung to the ropes with a clutch which frayed⁴⁶ my gloves, while Poor Jr. leaned back against the side of the basket and gazed upward at the great swaying ball, with his hands in his pockets, humming the strange ballad⁴⁷ that was his favourite musical composition:
 
     “The prettiest girl I ever saw
     Was sipping⁴⁸ cider through a straw-aw-haw!”
 
In that horrifying⁴⁹ basket, scrambling⁵⁰ for a foothold while it swung through arcs that were gulfs, I believed that my sorrows approached a sudden conclusion, but finding myself again upon the secure earth, I decided⁵¹ to come to an understanding with the young man.
 
Accordingly, on the following morning, I entered his apartment and addresses myself to Poor Jr. as severely⁵² as I could (for, truthfully, in all his follies⁵³ I had found no ugliness in his spirit—only a good-natured and inscrutable desire of wild amusement) reminding him of the authority his father had deputed to me, and having the venturesomeness to hint that the son should show some respect to my superior age.
 
To my consternation⁵⁴ he replied by inquiring if I had shaved my head as yet that morning. I could only drop in a chair, stammering⁵⁵ to know what he meant.
 
“Didn’t you suppose I knew?” he asked, elevating himself slightly on his elbow from the pillow. “Three weeks ago I left my aged parent in London and ran over here for a day. I saw you at the Cafe’ de la Paix, and even then I knew that it was shaved, not naturally bald. When you came here I recognized you like a shot, and that was why I was glad to accept you as a guardian⁵⁶. I’ve enjoyed myself considerably⁵⁷ of late, and you’ve been the best part of it,—I think you are a wonderation! I wouldn’t have any other governess for the world, but you surpass the orchestra when you beg me to respect your years! I will bet you four dollars to a lead franc piece that you are younger than I am!”
 
Imagine the completeness of my dismay! Although he spoke⁵⁸ in tones the most genial⁵⁹, and without unkindness, I felt myself a man of tatters before him, ashamed to have him know my sorry secret, hopeless to see all chance of authority over him gone at once, and with it my opportunity to earn a salary so generous, for if I could continue to be but an amusement to him and only part of his deception⁶⁰ of Lambert R. Poor, my sense of honour must be fit for the guillotine indeed.
 
I had a little struggle with myself, and I think I must have wiped some amounts of the cold perspiration⁶¹ from my absurd head before I was able to make an answer. It may be seen what a coward I was, and how I feared to begin again that search for employment. At last, however, I was in self-control, so that I might speak without being afraid that my voice would shake.
 
“I am sorry,” I said. “It seemed to me that my deception would not cause any harm, and that I might be useful in spite of it—enough to earn my living. It was on account of my being very poor; and there are two little children I must take care of.—Well, at least, it is over now. I have had great shame, but I must not have greater.”
 
“What do you mean?” he asked me rather sharply.
 
“I will leave immediately,” I said, going to the door. “Since I am no more than a joke, I can be of no service to your father or to you; but you must not think that I am so unreasonable⁶² as to be angry with you. A man whom you have beheld reduced to what I was, at the Cafe’ de la Paix, is surely a joke to the whole world! I will write to your father before I leave the hotel and explain that I feel myself unqualified—”
 
“You’re going to write to him why you give it up!” he exclaimed.
 
“I shall make no report of espionage,” I answered, with, perhaps, some bitterness, “and I will leave the letter for you to read and to send, of yourself. It shall only tell him that as a man of honour I cannot keep a position for which I have no qualification.”
 
I was going to open the door, bidding him adieu, when he called out to me.
 
“Look here!” he said, and he jumped out of bed in his pajamas⁶³ and came quickly, and held out his hand. “Look here, Ansolini, don’t take it that way. I know you’ve had pretty hard times, and if you’ll stay, I’ll get good. I’ll go to the Louvre with you this afternoon; we’ll dine at one of the Duval restaurants, and go to that new religious tragedy afterwards. If you like, we’ll leave Paris to-morrow. There’s a little too much movement here, maybe. For God’s sake, let your hair grow, and we’ll go down to Italy and study bones and ruins and delight the aged parent!—It’s all right, isn’t it?”
 
I shook the hand of that kind Poor Jr. with a feeling in my heart that kept me from saying how greatly I thanked him—and I was sure that I could do anything for him in the world!