A Merry Evening with a Distant RelativeI was not so unreasonable as to be prejudiced against the duke'skeeper because he disliked my complexion; and if I had been, his mostcivil and obliging conduct (as it seemed to me to be) next morning wouldhave disarmed me. Hearing that I was bound for Strelsau, he came to seeme while I was breakfasting, and told me that a sister of his who hadmarried a well-to-do tradesman and lived in the capital, had invited him tooccupy a room in her house. He had gladly accepted, but now found thathis duties would not permit of his absence. He begged therefore that, ifsuch humble (though, as he added, clean and comfortable) lodgings wouldsatisfy me, I would take his place. He pledged his sister's acquiescence,and urged the inconvenience and crowding to which I should be subject inmy journeys to and from Strelsau the next day. I accepted his offer withouta moment's hesitation, and he went off to telegraph to his sister, while Ipacked up and prepared to take the next train. But I still hankered after theforest and the hunting-lodge, and when my little maid told me that I could,by walking ten miles or so through the forest, hit the railway at a roadsidestation, I decided to send my luggage direct to the address which Johannhad given, take my walk, and follow to Strelsau myself. Johann had goneoff and was not aware of the change in my plans; but, as its only effectwas to delay my arrival at his sister's for a few hours, there was no reasonfor troubling to inform him of it. Doubtless the good lady would waste noanxiety on my account.
I took an early luncheon, and, having bidden my kind entertainersfarewell, promising to return to them on my way home, I set out to climbthe hill that led to the Castle, and thence to the forest of Zenda. Half anhour's leisurely walking brought me to the Castle. It had been a fortress inold days, and the ancient keep was still in good preservation and veryimposing. Behind it stood another portion of the original castle, andbehind that again, and separated from it by a deep and broad moat, whichran all round the old buildings, was a handsome modern chateau, erected by the last king, and now forming the country residence of the Duke ofStrelsau. The old and the new portions were connected by a drawbridge,and this indirect mode of access formed the only passage between the oldbuilding and the outer world; but leading to the modern chateau there wasa broad and handsome avenue. It was an ideal residence: when "BlackMichael" desired company, he could dwell in his chateau; if a fit ofmisanthropy seized him, he had merely to cross the bridge and draw it upafter him (it ran on rollers), and nothing short of a regiment and a train ofartillery could fetch him out. I went on my way, glad that poor BlackMichael, though he could not have the throne or the princess, had, at least,as fine a residence as any prince in Europe.
Soon I entered the forest, and walked on for an hour or more in its coolsombre shade. The great trees enlaced with one another over my head, andthe sunshine stole through in patches as bright as diamonds, and hardlybigger. I was enchanted with the place, and, finding a felled tree-trunk,propped my back against it, and stretching my legs out gave myself up toundisturbed contemplation of the solemn beauty of the woods and to thecomfort of a good cigar. And when the cigar was finished and I had (Isuppose) inhaled as much beauty as I could, I went off into the mostdelightful sleep, regardless of my train to Strelsau and of the fast-waningafternoon. To remember a train in such a spot would have been ranksacrilege. Instead of that, I fell to dreaming that I was married to thePrincess Flavia and dwelt in the Castle of Zenda, and beguiled whole dayswith my love in the glades of the forest--which made a very pleasantdream. In fact, I was just impressing a fervent kiss on the charming lips ofthe princess, when I heard (and the voice seemed at first a part of thedream) someone exclaim, in rough strident tones.
"Why, the devil's in it! Shave him, and he'd be the King!"The idea seemed whimsical enough for a dream: by the sacrifice of myheavy moustache and carefully pointed imperial, I was to be transformedinto a monarch! I was about to kiss the princess again, when I arrived(very reluctantly) at the conclusion that I was awake.
I opened my eyes, and found two men regarding me with muchcuriosity. Both wore shooting costumes and carried guns. One was rather short and very stoutly built, with a big bullet-shaped head, a bristly greymoustache, and small pale-blue eyes, a trifle bloodshot. The other was aslender young fellow, of middle height, dark in complexion, and bearinghimself with grace and distinction. I set the one down as an old soldier: theother for a gentleman accustomed to move in good society, but not unusedto military life either. It turned out afterwards that my guess was a goodone.
The elder man approached me, beckoning the younger to follow. Hedid so, courteously raising his hat. I rose slowly to my feet.
"He's the height, too!" I heard the elder murmur, as he surveyed my sixfeet two inches of stature. Then, with a cavalier touch of the cap, headdressed me:
"May I ask your name?""As you have taken the first step in the acquaintance, gentlemen," saidI, with a smile, "suppose you give me a lead in the matter of names."The young man stepped forward with a pleasant smile.
"This," said he, "is Colonel Sapt, and I am called Fritz von Tarlenheim:
we are both in the service of the King of Ruritania."I bowed and, baring my head, answered:
"I am Rudolf Rassendyll. I am a traveller from England; and once for ayear or two I held a commission from her Majesty the Queen.""Then we are all brethren of the sword," answered Tarlenheim, holdingout his hand, which I took readily.
"Rassendyll, Rassendyll!" muttered Colonel Sapt; then a gleam ofintelligence flitted across his face.
"By Heaven!" he cried, "you're of the Burlesdons?""My brother is now Lord Burlesdon," said I.
"Thy head betrayeth thee," he chuckled, pointing to my uncovered poll.
"Why, Fritz, you know the story?"The young man glanced apologetically at me. He felt a delicacy whichmy sister-in-law would have admired. To put him at his ease, I remarkedwith a smile:
"Ah! the story is known here as well as among us, it seems.""Known!" cried Sapt. "If you stay here, the deuce a man in all Ruritania will doubt of it--or a woman either."I began to feel uncomfortable. Had I realized what a very plainlywritten pedigree I carried about with me, I should have thought longbefore I visited Ruritania. However, I was in for it now.
At this moment a ringing voice sounded from the wood behind us:
"Fritz, Fritz! where are you, man?"Tarlenheim started, and said hastily:
"It's the King!"Old Sapt chuckled again.
Then a young man jumped out from behind the trunk of a tree andstood beside us. As I looked at him, I uttered an astonished cry; and he,seeing me, drew back in sudden wonder. Saving the hair on my face and amanner of conscious dignity which his position gave him, saving also thathe lacked perhaps half an inch--nay, less than that, but still something--ofmy height, the King of Ruritania might have been Rudolf Rassendyll, andI, Rudolf, the King.
For an instant we stood motionless, looking at one another. Then Ibared my head again and bowed respectfully. The King found his voice,and asked in bewilderment:
"Colonel--Fritz--who is this gentleman?"I was about to answer, when Colonel Sapt stepped between the Kingand me, and began to talk to his Majesty in a low growl. The Kingtowered over Sapt, and, as he listened, his eyes now and again soughtmine. I looked at him long and carefully. The likeness was certainlyastonishing, though I saw the points of difference also. The King's facewas slightly more fleshy than mine, the oval of its contour the least triflemore pronounced, and, as I fancied, his mouth lacking something of thefirmness (or obstinacy) which was to be gathered from my close-shuttinglips. But, for all that, and above all minor distinctions, the likeness rosestriking, salient, wonderful.
Sapt ceased speaking, and the King still frowned. Then, gradually, thecorners of his mouth began to twitch, his nose came down (as mine doeswhen I laugh), his eyes twinkled, and, behold! he burst into the merriest fitof irrepressible laughter, which rang through the woods and proclaimed him a jovial soul.
"Well met, cousin!" he cried, stepping up to me, clapping me on theback, and laughing still. "You must forgive me if I was taken aback. A mandoesn't expect to see double at this time of day, eh, Fritz?""I must pray pardon, sire, for my presumption," said I. "I trust it willnot forfeit your Majesty's favour.""By Heaven! you'll always enjoy the King's countenance," he laughed,"whether I like it or not; and, sir, I shall very gladly add to it what servicesI can. Where are you travelling to?""To Strelsau, sire--to the coronation."The King looked at his friends: he still smiled, though his expressionhinted some uneasiness. But the humorous side of the matter caught himagain.
"Fritz, Fritz!" he cried, "a thousand crowns for a sight of brotherMichael's face when he sees a pair of us!" and the merry laugh rang outagain.
"Seriously," observed Fritz von Tarlenheim, "I question Mr.
Rassendyll's wisdom in visiting Strelsau just now."The King lit a cigarette.
"Well, Sapt?" said he, questioningly.
"He mustn't go," growled the old fellow.
"Come, colonel, you mean that I should be in Mr. Rassendyll's debt, if-""Oh, ay! wrap it up in the right way," said Sapt, hauling a great pipeout of his pocket.
"Enough, sire," said I. "I'll leave Ruritania today.""No, by thunder, you shan't--and that's sans phrase, as Sapt likes it. Foryou shall dine with me tonight, happen what will afterwards. Come, man,you don't meet a new relation every day!""We dine sparingly tonight," said Fritz von Tarlenheim.
"Not we--with our new cousin for a guest!" cried the King; and, asFritz shrugged his shoulders, he added: "Oh! I'll remember our early start,Fritz.""So will I--tomorrow morning," said old Sapt, pulling at his pipe.
"O wise old Sapt!" cried the King. "Come, Mr. Rassendyll--by the way,what name did they give you?""Your Majesty's," I answered, bowing.
"Well, that shows they weren't ashamed of us," he laughed. "Come,then, cousin Rudolf; I've got no house of my own here, but my dearbrother Michael lends us a place of his, and we'll make shift to entertainyou there;" and he put his arm through mine and, signing to the others toaccompany us, walked me off, westerly, through the forest.
We walked for more than half an hour, and the King smoked cigarettesand chattered incessantly. He was full of interest in my family, laughedheartily when I told him of the portraits with Elphberg hair in our galleries,and yet more heartily when he heard that my expedition to Ruritania was asecret one.
"You have to visit your disreputable cousin on the sly, have you?" saidhe.
Suddenly emerging from the wood, we came on a small and rudehunting-lodge. It was a one-storey building, a sort of bungalow, builtentirely of wood. As we approached it, a little man in a plain livery cameout to meet us. The only other person I saw about the place was a fatelderly woman, whom I afterwards discovered to be the mother of Johann,the duke's keeper.
"Well, is dinner ready, Josef?" asked the King.
The little servant informed us that it was, and we soon sat down to aplentiful meal. The fare was plain enough: the King ate heartily, Fritz vonTarlenheim delicately, old Sapt voraciously. I played a good knife and fork,as my custom is; the King noticed my performance with approval.
"We're all good trenchermen, we Elphbergs," said he. "But what? -we'reeating dry! Wine, Josef! wine, man! Are we beasts, to eat withoutdrinking? Are we cattle, Josef?"At this reproof Josef hastened to load the table with bottles.
"Remember tomorrow!" said Fritz.
"Ay--tomorrow!" said old Sapt.
The King drained a bumper to his "Cousin Rudolf," as he wasgracious--or merry--enough to call me; and I drank its fellow to the "Elphberg Red," whereat he laughed loudly.
Now, be the meat what it might, the wine we drank was beyond allprice or praise, and we did it justice. Fritz ventured once to stay the King'shand.
"What?" cried the King. "Remember you start before I do, MasterFritz--you must be more sparing by two hours than I."Fritz saw that I did not understand.
"The colonel and I," he explained, "leave here at six: we ride down toZenda and return with the guard of honour to fetch the King at eight, andthen we all ride together to the station.""Hang that same guard!" growled Sapt.
"Oh! it's very civil of my brother to ask the honour for his regiment,"said the King. "Come, cousin, you need not start early. Another bottle,man!"I had another bottle--or, rather, a part of one, for the larger halftravelled quickly down his Majesty's throat. Fritz gave up his attempts atpersuasion: from persuading, he fell to being persuaded, and soon we wereall of us as full of wine as we had any right to be. The King began talkingof what he would do in the future, old Sapt of what he had done in the past,Fritz of some beautiful girl or other, and I of the wonderful merits of theElphberg dynasty. We all talked at once, and followed to the letter Sapt'sexhortation to let the morrow take care of itself.
At last the King set down his glass and leant back in his chair.
"I have drunk enough," said he.
"Far be it from me to contradict the King," said I.
Indeed, his remark was most absolutely true--so far as it went.
While I yet spoke, Josef came and set before the King a marvellousold wicker-covered flagon. It had lain so long in some darkened cellar thatit seemed to blink in the candlelight.
"His Highness the Duke of Strelsau bade me set this wine before theKing, when the King was weary of all other wines, and pray the King todrink, for the love that he bears his brother.""Well done, Black Michael!" said the King. "Out with the cork, Josef.
Hang him! Did he think I'd flinch from his bottle?"The bottle was opened, and Josef filled the King's glass. The Kingtasted it. Then, with a solemnity born of the hour and his own condition,he looked round on us:
"Gentlemen, my friends--Rudolf, my cousin ('tis a scandalous story,Rudolf, on my honour!), everything is yours to the half of Ruritania. Butask me not for a single drop of this divine bottle, which I will drink to thehealth of that--that sly knave, my brother, Black Michael."And the King seized the bottle and turned it over his mouth, anddrained it and flung it from him, and laid his head on his arms on the table.
And we drank pleasant dreams to his Majesty--and that is all Iremember of the evening. Perhaps it is enough.