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Part 2 Chapter 16

A very curious adventure, in which Mr Adams gave a much greater instance of the honest simplicity of his heart, than of his experience in the ways of this world.

Our travellers had walked about two miles from that inn, which they had more reason to have mistaken for a castle than Don Quixote ever had any of those in which he sojourned, seeing they had met with such difficulty in escaping out of its walls, when they came to a parish, and beheld a sign of invitation hanging out. A gentleman sat smoaking a pipe at the door, of whom Adams inquired the road, and received so courteous and obliging an answer, accompanied with so smiling a countenance, that the good parson, whose heart was naturally disposed to love and affection, began to ask several other questions; particularly the name of the parish, and who was the owner of a large house whose front they then had in prospect. The gentleman answered as obligingly as before; and as to the house, acquainted him it was his own. He then proceeded in the following manner: “Sir, I presume by your habit you are a clergyman; and as you are travelling on foot I suppose a glass of good beer will not be disagreeable to you; and I can recommend my landlord’s within as some of the best in all this country. What say you, will you halt a little and let us take a pipe together? there is no better tobacco in the kingdom.” This proposal was not displeasing to Adams, who had allayed his thirst that day with no better liquor than what Mrs Trulliber’s cellar had produced; and which was indeed little superior, either in richness or flavour, to that which distilled from those grains her generous husband bestowed on his hogs. Having, therefore, abundantly thanked the gentleman for his kind invitation, and bid Joseph and Fanny follow him, he entered the alehouse, where a large loaf and cheese and a pitcher of beer, which truly answered the character given of it, being set before them, the three travellers fell to eating, with appetites infinitely more voracious than are to be found at the most exquisite eating-houses in the parish of St. James’s.

The gentleman expressed great delight in the hearty and cheerful behaviour of Adams; and particularly in the familiarity with which he conversed with Joseph and Fanny, whom he often called his children; a term he explained to mean no more than his parishioners; saying, “He looked on all those whom God had intrusted to his care to stand to him in that relation.” The gentleman, shaking him by the hand, highly applauded those sentiments. “They are, indeed,” says he, “the true principles of a Christian divine; and I heartily wish they were universal; but, on the contrary, I am sorry to say the parson of our parish, instead of esteeming his poor parishioners as a part of his family, seems rather to consider them as not of the same species with himself. He seldom speaks to any, unless some few of the richest of us; nay, indeed, he will not move his hat to the others. I often laugh when I behold him on Sundays strutting along the churchyard like a turkey-cock through rows of his parishioners, who bow to him with as much submission, and are as unregarded, as a set of servile courtiers by the proudest prince in Christendom. But if such temporal pride is ridiculous, surely the spiritual is odious and detestable; if such a puffed — up empty human bladder, strutting in princely robes, justly moves one’s derision, surely in the habit of a priest it must raise our scorn.”

“Doubtless,” answered Adams, “your opinion is right; but I hope such examples are rare. The clergy whom I have the honour to know maintain a different behaviour; and you will allow me, sir, that the readiness which too many of the laity show to contemn the order may be one reason of their avoiding too much humility.” “Very true, indeed,” says the gentleman; “I find, sir, you are a man of excellent sense, and am happy in this opportunity of knowing you; perhaps our accidental meeting may not be disadvantageous to you neither. At present I shall only say to you that the incumbent of this living is old and infirm, and that it is in my gift. Doctor, give me your hand; and assure yourself of it at his decease.” Adams told him, “He was never more confounded in his life than at his utter incapacity to make any return to such noble and unmerited generosity.” “A mere trifle, sir,” cries the gentleman, “scarce worth your acceptance; a little more than three hundred a year. I wish it was double the value for your sake.” Adams bowed, and cried from the emotions of his gratitude; when the other asked him, “If he was married, or had any children, besides those in the spiritual sense he had mentioned.” “Sir,” replied the parson, “I have a wife and six at your service.” “That is unlucky,” says the gentleman; “for I would otherwise have taken you into my own house as my chaplain; however, I have another in the parish (for the parsonage-house is not good enough), which I will furnish for you. Pray, does your wife understand a dairy?” “I can’t profess she does,” says Adams. “I am sorry for it,” quoth the gentleman; “I would have given you half-a-dozen cows, and very good grounds to have maintained them.” “Sir,” said Adams, in an ecstasy, “you are too liberal; indeed you are.” “Not at all,” cries the gentleman: “I esteem riches only as they give me an opportunity of doing good; and I never saw one whom I had a greater inclination to serve.” At which words he shook him heartily by the hand, and told him he had sufficient room in his house to entertain him and his friends. Adams begged he might give him no such trouble; that they could be very well accommodated in the house where they were; forgetting they had not a sixpenny piece among them. The gentleman would not be denied; and, informing himself how far they were travelling, he said it was too long a journey to take on foot, and begged that they would favour him by suffering him to lend them a servant and horses; adding, withal, that, if they would do him the pleasure of their company only two days, he would furnish them with his coach and six. Adams, turning to Joseph, said, “How lucky is this gentleman’s goodness to you, who I am afraid would be scarce able to hold out on your lame leg!” and then, addressing the person who made him these liberal promises, after much bowing, he cried out, “Blessed be the hour which first introduced me to a man of your charity! you are indeed a Christian of the true primitive kind, and an honour to the country wherein you live. I would willingly have taken a pilgrimage to the Holy Land to have beheld you; for the advantages which we draw from your goodness give me little pleasure, in comparison of what I enjoy for your own sake when I consider the treasures you are by these means laying up for yourself in a country that passeth not away. We will therefore, most generous sir, accept your goodness, as well the entertainment you have so kindly offered us at your house this evening, as the accommodation of your horses tomorrow morning.” He then began to search for his hat, as did Joseph for his; and both they and Fanny were in order of departure, when the gentleman, stopping short, and seeming to meditate by himself for the space of about a minute, exclaimed thus: “Sure never anything was so unlucky; I had forgot that my house-keeper was gone abroad, and hath locked up all my rooms; indeed, I would break them open for you, but shall not be able to furnish you with a bed; for she has likewise put away all my linen. I am glad it entered into my head before I had given you the trouble of walking there; besides, I believe you will find better accommodations here than you expected. — Landlord, you can provide good beds for these people, can’t you?” “Yes, and please your worship,” cries the host, “and such as no lord or justice of the peace in the kingdom need be ashamed to lie in.” “I am heartily sorry,” says the gentleman, “for this disappointment. I am resolved I will never suffer her to carry away the keys again.” “Pray, sir, let it not make you uneasy,” cries Adams; “we shall do very well here; and the loan of your horses is a favour we shall be incapable of making any return to.” “Ay!” said the squire, “the horses shall attend you here at what hour in the morning you please;” and now, after many civilities too tedious to enumerate, many squeezes by the hand, with most affectionate looks and smiles at each other, and afte............

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