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Chapter 5 Words vs. Tone
Say each phrase below with different tonality: anger,boredom, surprise and flirtatiousness. Notice how your| body language, facial expression and breathing combine toalter your emotional state.

"It's late.""I've had enough.""Look at me.""Where were you born?"To check your tonality, find a friend and say one or twoof these phrases. See if your friend can tell you which ofthe four feelings you're expressing. If it's not obvious, keepworking at it until it's clear.

body will signal to your brain by mixing up a chemicalcocktail that corresponds to the discomfort that theother person is feeling. Then you will both be uncomfortable,and rapport will be that much harder toachieve. When they notice a discrepancy between yourwords and gestures, other people will believe the gesturesand react accordingly.

So, congruity occurs when your body, voice tone andwords are all in alignment. And when your body, tone59and words are communicating the same thing, youwill appear sincere and people will tend to believe you.

This is why a Really Useful Attitude is so important.

Appearing sincere, or congruent, is a key ingredient forbuilding the trust that opens the door to likability andrapport.

Make sure that your words, your tonality and yourgestures are all saying the same thing. Be on thelookout for incongruity in others. Notice how itmakes you feel.

We've all seen those old movies where a couple ofpeople are driving along in a car, and they're rocking thesteering wheel even though the background shows aroad that's straight as an arrow. It's phony—you knowthey're really in a studio being bounced around in a box.

Your senses have told you that something isn't right,something is out of alignment, and so you can't believewhat you see. Or have you ever had someone get mad atyou and then, in the middle of bawling you out, flash asinister little smile that disappears as fast as it came?

Very chilling. This is another example of incongruentbehavio............
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